A Time I Was Really Sorry For What I Did – Jonathan Reyes

I have always been a bold and outspoken individual. I absolutely love to express myself and allow my inner thoughts and feelings simply seep through every pore on my body. I have really managed to mature with wisdom and confidence, and I truly believe these characteristics derived from the experience (or journey) that began when I was just a 5-year-old boy. My parents went through a divorce, and soon after that, everything drastically changed. Our families split and I was forced to withstand something I was not quite ready for…or so I thought.

The split between my parents allowed me to grow up for the better; however, it did not exactly ruin my childhood either. With time, it was decided that I would be under my mother’s custody, and we were to move back to America from Germany, which is where my father was stationed at a military base. As I was going through this all, I was attempting to cope with all of my mixed feelings as a child. I was no expert at this and I felt extremely odd, as far as how I was feeling. Eventually, I couldn’t take the pain anymore and I was miserable and in a state of depression. My mother then decided to take me to a therapist so I could get well, because she told me, “…it breaks my heart to see my baby so sad.” With the first couple of sessions, I was uncomfortable.

By the third session, my feelings were overwhelming and they were running over the brim of that ‘bottle’ that I held inside of myself. I knew the therapist was there to simply comfort me and to guide me into relieving myself of the tension and the sea of feelings that I couldn’t seem to let go. However, with just one question, I snapped. I blurted out, “You stupid bitch! You don’t know anything about my life! LEAVE ME ALONE!”, and with that, I made an exit that I was almost certain I could never forgive myself for. My mother never raised me to be vulgar or disrespect adults, let alone strangers that I know nothing of. I felt so bad for my outburst and my mother did punish me for responding in such a manner. I had so many feelings held in that it almost seemed as if I was not able of controlling my emotions. I returned for the next session and apologized for the inappropriate outburst, and she simply replied, “I did not take that reaction personal at all, Jonathan. You’re a young man who needs a little help and I am here to talk to you.” I would never forget those words, and  since we had great sessions and I left with a satisfactory service.

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