I believe that everyone learns from their mistakes. I know there are certain things in my life where there’s no one I would have listened to and I had to fall on my own and learn how to get back up. So when I say I’m sorry for something, I want to be clear that I may regret it, but I’m glad I’ve learned from it.
When I was a junior in high school I dated this guy, Malcolm. I was head over heels for him, typical cliché love. The year before that was my first trip to Brazil. I have never loved a place so much. I loved the people, I loved the language, I loved the food, or what I’ve seen of it so far. So after I left Brazil for the first time as a sophomore, I cried. I cried on the plane, I cried when I got home. It was really quite sad. So after this grievance stage I had immediately started planning my next trip. It was going to be in the summer of my junior year of high school. I was so excited when the time came around, but I hadn’t been away from my boyfriend for more than a few days and I was really nervous about that.
I arrived in São Paulo mid July, and my trip was supposed to last nearly a month. My plan was to spend half of my time there with a friend Zunto, and the other half with another friend Carol. As I got settled in at Zunto’s, obviously I had to call my parents and my boyfriend to let them know I had arrived safely. After spending my day out and about with my friend Zunto and another one of my friends Bruno, it was time to head back to his apartment. I instantly got on my laptop and send my boyfriend a message on Facebook. Man, I missed him so much. I never knew I could miss someone so much, and it had only been a day!
Well, a week and a half later I went to stay with Carol. She was with her boyfriend, and that made me miss mine even more. Carol worked at a makeup store called M.A.C. (We have them here too.) She didn’t want to leave me home all day, and neither her or I felt comfortable with the idea of me walking around São Paulo alone, so I went with her to the mall where she worked. After sitting around for a few hours in the mall waiting for her to get off, I started to get really upset. I went into the bathroom, which of course had mirrors everywhere, more than normal… and started crying. It was like there was torrential downpour from my eyes. I called my dad, not even able to breathe, let alone speak. After calming down, I told him that I wanted to come home. I didn’t care if I had to pay the $250 fine to change my flight. I ended up leaving shortly after that, cutting my visit short by a week or two.
There are two things in this story that I’m sorry I did. One, I’m sorry that I left early, and that I wasn’t able to enjoy my visit. I was on vacation and I really should have had a blast. I turned a great experience into me being so close minded, only being able to think about what I didn’t have there, when I had so much more in Brazil. The thing that I am really sorry about though, is how reliant I had become on another person. I wasn’t able to be my own person for my few weeks without him. I had lost my identity. Needless to say, I am no longer with him, and work hard when I’m in a relationship to keep my own life, and my individuality.